It can be very difficult to try to understand what was going on for the other person.
To work on both your needs at the same time is difficult, but possible. For now, would it be possible to guess what they were trying to get when they did what they did?
equity e.g. fairness, balance, honesty, tolerance, cooperation
autonomy e.g. control, power, choice, freedom, integrity
protection e.g. safety, security, peace
empathy e.g. respect, acceptance, celebration, trust, to be heard
clarity e.g. knowledge, accuracy, order, efficiency, reassurance
subsistence e.g. food, rest, shelter. space, warmth, movement
play e.g. fun, ease, relaxation, sponteneity, variety, stimulation
community e.g. inclusion, support, belonging, friendship, connection
love e.g. care, affection, closeness
meaning e.g. purpose, learning, creativity, growth, achievement
Perhaps you might write down (or cut and paste into a draft document?):
I guess that they did the thing that is a problem for me because they were needing.....