what's behind the problem? observe and prepare
what is most important to me is to...
- know how I feel now when I remember what happened?
- be clear what the needs are behind my feelings now?
- imagine what feelings and underlying needs the other person has?
- talk to someone about this, so that I am heard?
- communicate with the other person?
It is your choice of strategy to get your needs met. It is your decision how important to you it is to get your issues resolved by getting your needs satisfied.